Bittersweet
by KazeNoSakura
Summary: He always wondered why she dumped him. A year later, he gets his answer and for once in his life he wished it was because she loved another. Too bad not all wishes come true. NxM #12
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gakuen Alice or the song used in this story

**A/N: **I'd like to dedicate this songfic to my dear aunt who passed away July 11. She was –and still is– a great woman and mother-figure. Rest in peace, Fanyiyi! XOXOX

**Dedication:** Thérèse (1962-2011)**  
>Artist:<strong> Alexz Johnson  
><strong>Song:<strong> I Still Love You

By the way, I change between Natsume and Mikan's POVs. Hope you don't mind.

* * *

><p><strong>We Meet Again<strong>

**Natsume's POV**

What were they doing here?

He constantly asked himself this question as Luna dragged him to a table in the far back, hidden away from everything and everyone. Luna was the classy kind. She enjoyed fancy restaurants and classical music, not quaint little cafés or open mike nights. No, only _she_ loved those.

He mentally groaned. No matter what he did or who he dated, he couldn't get over her. She was like the never-ending plague. She incessantly invaded his mind and it was killing him inside.

Till this day, he still couldn't understand why she cruelly grabbed his heart with her bare hands, squeezed the life out of it and stomped on it as if it were trash. She said he completed her, for God's sake! So then why? Why the fuck did she break up with him?

"Natsume?"

Too preoccupied with his thoughts, Natsume had completely forgotten where he was and who he was with until his girlfriend's voice brought him back to reality.

"Wait here and I'll get us some drinks."

No, he had had enough of her and herdrama. Right now his current girlfriend was more important, especially since he had no idea why she broke their dinner reservations just to go to this infernal place.

"What the hell's going on, Luna?"

Unfazed by his nasty tone, Luna replied, "I came here one night after a long day at work; and while I drank, I heard this one band play. Their music was incredible, and you know how I am with music." She took one good look at his puzzled face and laughed half-heartedly. "Just trust me and enjoy the show. I know you won't regret it."

Sighing, he let her go and watched her vanish behind the crowd.

When she came back, Luna handed him a cup of black coffee, just the way he liked it, while she, on the other hand, had some type of alcoholic coffee. He wondered why she was drinking that but let it slide, instead curious about who was performing. From all the years he'd known her, Luna was the pickiest girl known to man. If something impressed her, it was worth cancelling any plans you had for it.

"That was a wonderful performance, Kageshirō. If I wasn't married, I'd have replaced the poor sap that dumped you."

The familiar voice pulled him away from his thoughts and his eyes practically bulged out of his sockets when he saw her. Why was Sumire here? He hadn't kept in contact with any of her friends after she broke up with him. Did this have something to do with that band Luna mentioned or was it all just a coincidence?

"Don't talk like I'm not here!" yelled out a voice.

"Relax, Koko," Sumire replied and winked. Then she blew a kiss. "You know I love you."

"Aww…" echoed throughout the entire room.

Sumire rolled her eyes. "Anyway, it looks like we're down to our last performer. She's one of our top regulars, so I know you'll love her to bits. Give it up for the one and only, Sakura Mikan!"

Natume could not believe his ears. She was here? He hadn't seen her for almost a year now! Why would she…

It suddenly all clicked. His girlfriend was the one that set this up. But what was she trying to pull?

-0-

**Mikan's POV**

Mikan drew in a sharp breath as Sumire called out her name. She was utterly nervous about this particular performance. Usually she did covers of previously written songs like Pink or Sarah McLachlan, but today she was singing an original and she had no idea if people would like it.

She sighed. Why on earth did she agree to do this again? Oh right, because her life was on the line. Hotaru was a sneaky one.

Like a ritual, her eyes gingerly traced the inspiring white words (i.e. love, believe, respect) written on the gorgeous ebony piano before she sat down.

'_This is it,'_ she thought.

"I know I usually sing song covers for you guys, but I thought I'd do something a little different today. How would you all feel if I sang an original?"

In a matter of seconds, the silent crowd went wild upon hearing her and Mikan smiled confidently.

"I wrote this song about a week after I broke up with my boyfriend. Mind you I didn't want to break up with him, but I felt like I had to. I was holding him back. I knew I was even if he didn't say anything."

Memories of that night flooded her mind and Mikan was forced to close her eyes, taking a deep breath as she did so, before she could continue. If she didn't, she knew the tears would come.

"But I was being selfish. I wasn't thinking about him or his feelings. I was just thinking of mine because maybe I was secretly scared that he'd eventually get tired of me. But if I could, I'd go back in time and stop myself from breaking up with him. It was the biggest mistake of my life."

She scoffed at her stupidity. Not only did that sound corny as hell but now she was just rambling. If she didn't stop herself soon, she'd probably tell the whole world her life story.

"But I guess there's no point. Last I heard he moved on."

"Aww…" went the crowd.

Despite the pain, she let out a small smile. She had expected the crowd to boo her off the stage by now since she wasn't even singing yet, but their reaction had proved her wrong. She was glad to have these strangers on her side, and even more so when she spotted her friends raising a glass to her.

"So wherever you are, Nat, whatever you're doing, I hope that one day you'll forgive me."

-0-

**Natsume's POV**

To say he was shocked would be the understatement of year. He was flabbergasted and then some. Did she actually mean what she said or had she known he was here?

No, that couldn't be it. If she had known he was there, she wouldn't have said all of that the way she did. Mikan was a straight-to-the-point kind of gal. If she really knew he was there, she would have spoken right to him…with a spotlight on him, no less. His current girlfriend definitely kept it a secret from her as well.

_If we walk away now__  
><em>_There's no turning around__  
><em>_Gotta say what I mean__  
><em>_While you're here with me__  
><em>_I'm not sure I'll find words__  
><em>_To cover the hurt__  
><em>_That I see in your eyes__  
><em>_But I gotta try_

_I know rocks turn to sand__  
><em>_And hearts can change hands__  
><em>_And you're not to blame__  
><em>_When the sky fills with rain__  
><em>_But if we stay or walk away__  
><em>_There's one thing that's true__  
><em>_I still love you__  
><em>_I still love you_

"Why?"

Taking a deep breath, she grabbed his hand in hers and solemnly stared into his eyes. "I was your best friend before I moved to Hokkaido, Natsume. I knew how you were back then: a real big softy in spite of your tough exterior." Luna briefly smiled as she remembered his old self, but it vanished so quickly that Natsume thought he imagined it. "You were different when we met years later. You were cold and distant, kind of violent and such a workaholic. It shocked me so much that I didn't know what to do or say. All I knew was that you needed someone to be with you. That's why I agreed to date you the moment you suggested it. I thought that I could change you back to who you once were."

By now, Luna could feel the tears coming but she blinked them back in fear of not holding her end of the plan. She wanted the old Natsume back, not this cold-hearted workaholic.

"I was naïve to think you would change for me. Sakura-san… She was more than just a girl to you, wasn't she?"

Though he remained silent, his eyes spoke volumes and Luna knew she couldn't win this fight.

_Can you search down inside__  
><em>_Let go of your pride?__  
><em>_If I forget trying to win__  
><em>_And just let you in__  
><em>_I didn't travel this far__  
><em>_To watch it all fall apart__  
><em>_So give me your hand__  
><em>_And take a chance__  
><em>  
><em>I know rocks turn to sand<em>_  
><em>_And hearts can change hands__  
><em>_And you're not to blame__  
><em>_When the sky fills with rain__  
><em>_But if we stay or walk away__  
><em>_There's one thing that's true__  
><em>_I still love you__  
><em>  
>"I never came here after work, Natsume. It was actually during one of our fights. I was depressed and thought that maybe I could drink the pain away. Shouda-san was also there, drinking away her sorrows as well. After a few drinks, I started ranting about you and who you had become. I hated it and cursed the girl that did this to you to oblivion. That was when I found out about Sakura-san from Shoda-san. She told me about how you no longer kept in contact with any of them because of her. I've seen you with your other girlfriends before, Natsume. You don't just cut ties because of a girl. You have to give her another chance."<p>

_Riding with me as close as before__  
><em>_Whatever happens, I won't ask for more__  
><em>_Here in my heart from now 'til the end__  
><em>_Flame out or fly, we have to try again__  
><em>  
>"But I like you, Luna."<p>

"I know you like me, Natsume, but not in the same way I do. Like I said, I want you back the way you were and I'd do anything for that."

Natsume opened his mouth to say something but Luna stopped him.

"Don't say that you'll learn to love me. Please don't," she begged. "You know you won't. So don't get my hopes up with fake promises. Just…be happy."

_I know rocks turn to sand__  
><em>_And hearts can change hands__  
><em>_And you're not to blame__  
><em>_When the sky fills with rain__  
><em>_But if we stay or walk away__  
><em>_There's one thing that's true__  
><em>_I still love you__  
><em>_Yeah, I still love you__  
><em>  
>He sighed. She was right. No matter what he did, he would always love Mikan.<p>

"Thank you," he said with softened eyes. "I owe you for this."

"No, Natsume. I should be the one owing you. Despite who I was, you stuck with me until the end. I appreciate it. Now go get her before I change my mind."

Natsume got up from his seat and pecked her on the cheek before making his way backstage. He surely wouldn't forget her efforts in helping him get back together with his ex-girlfriend.

"Good luck," she whispered and chugged the rest of her coffee in one go. "God knows you're going to need it."

_If we stay or walk away__  
><em>_There's one thing that's true__  
><em>_I still love you__  
><em>_I still love you_

-0-

**Mikan's POV**

It was such a rush! She'd have to thank Sumire and Hotaru for doing this for her.

"Is it true?"

That voice stopped her dead in her tracks. It was impossible. She was hearing things wasn't she?

"It is true?" the voice repeated, this time sounding more desperate than before.

When Mikan turned, she couldn't believe her eyes. He was there. _He_ _was there._

Her heart started racing. Her breath hitched. What was he doing here?

Before anything could register, Natsume grabbed her and brought his lips to hers. Mikan wanted to resist, wanted to leave, but she couldn't. She needed him more than ever now. His voice, his touch, _his kisses_. She missed everything about him! But she knew this wasn't right. He had another girl, and Mikan was not the cheating type.

"This is wrong, Nat…" Mikan said breathlessly after their lips parted. She tried to escape but he held her tight against his chest. "You have a girlfriend, and I'm not the cheating kind."

"I never did."

"What?"

"I know I went out with Luna, but she was never my girlfriend. I only used her to ease my pain. I didn't want to, but she was all for it. And I took advantage of it." Still holding her closely, he released her slightly if only to look Mikan in the eyes. "I could never replace you with another, Mikan. I've always loved you."

This was impossible! After everything she had said, everything she had done, he still loved her?

The fear and relief was too much for her poor body to take. And in the midst of it all, she fainted.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** OMG! Someone put this on the news! I actually updated within the week instead of months later! XD I must really love you guys! Shh… Don't tell my Bleach readers this or they'll come at me with guns and hunt me down, haha. Anyway, thanks for the reviews and favourites guys! Just one or two more chapters to go after this one. Enjoy! :D

* * *

><p><strong>The Truth Hurts<strong>

**Natsume's POV**

Natsume anxiously paced back and forth in the hospital's waiting area while Dr. Imai, Hotaru's brother, took care of her.

"Would you stop that incessant pacing, Hyuuga?" Hotaru growled. "It's annoying!"

Natsume knew it was annoying but he couldn't help himself. He was a man of action, not passivity. He couldn't sit still like the rest of them.

"Hyuuga," at this point, Hotaru's voice became dangerously low, "I said stop it!"

Irritated that she ordered him around, Natsume stopped and turned his wrath on her. "Then what do you propose I do, huh?" he retorted. "Sit around like some pansy? I can't, okay! I just can't!"

"And you think I don't care?" She abruptly stood up. "My best friend is in a fucking hospital for God's sake! I might not be the best at showing my emotions, but at least I know how to hold them in."

He sneered. "Because yelling at me keeps you completely composed!"

The tension between these two was at an all time high and if someone didn't stop them soon, there was going to be a World War III.

"Better than you, you son of a bit—"

"Enough!" Ruka shouted and placed himself in-between Natsume and Hotaru. "Fighting about this won't solve anything."

He sighed. Maybe he did go overboard…even if this was Imai. "Your right, Ruka. _Sorry, Imai._"

Rather than apologize, Hotaru kept glaring at him.

"Hotaru, you can't blame him. He doesn't know anything, remember?"

Ruka's words temporarily caught him off guard. What did he not know?

She sighed as well. "Fine. _I'm sorry._"

Ignoring her apology, he asked, "What don't I know?"

Silence.

"What don't I know?" he asked again –more like demanded– and took a good look at their faces. He noted that they all avoided his gaze, and that made the alarms in his head go off.

Why did they look so guilty? What weren't they telling him?

_I was holding him back._

Those were her words earlier that night. But why did she think she was a liability? Why would she be scared that he'd one day leave her? He could never see her as a burden, not in a million years. As for her fears, there was nothing to worry about. Truth was, he needed her more than she, him.

Then something clicked.

"Does this have anything to do with Mikan dumping me?"

Although still silent, all of Mikan's friends stiffened at his words.

"It does, doesn't it?"

Slowly, one by one they nodded and looked at him with the most solemn eyes.

"Mikan never wanted you to find out." It was Sumire who, in tears, broke the silence. "She made us promise not to tell you even though she was hurting."

"And we were stupid enough to listen to her," Yuu finished.

"Do you want to know?" For the first time that evening, Hotaru spoke with a kind voice. "Do you?"

Did he want to know? If Mikan didn't want him to know, it was her right. But then again, as her lover he deserved some answers too.

After much contemplation, he nodded. "Tell me everything."

"You better sit down," Nonoko suggested. When he did so, she took a deep breath and started the story. "About a year ago, Mikan was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Hotaru's brother had caught it just before it reached stage four and said that she'd have to undergo chemotherapy for about eight months. This was around the around time you had that big exam. Mikan knew how hard you were studying to become a doctor and refused to distract you with such a…trivial matter."

Trivial? Since when was cancer something trivial? He still couldn't believe she thought that that would put a dent in his studies or their relationship.

"When she found out about the after-effects from the chemotherapy," Anna continued, "she knew that she wouldn't be able to hide it from you. So she decided it'd be best to leave you. Mikan was heartbroken, but she thought she did the right thing. In spite of not being the smartest person when it came to chemistry or biology, pushing you towards your dreams was the least she could do for you. She loved you too much to see you waste your life away for her."

"The chemotherapies always made her weak," Sumire stated gravely. "But she always made a quick recovery, something Dr. Imai said was an incredible feat. And in no time, those eight months flew and Mikan was doing better than ever. It took her three months after that for her hair to grow back, and even then it was no longer than Halle Berry's style."

"Mikan had me track you down so she could tell you the news," Hotaru finished. "She felt bad keeping her condition a secret from you and wanted to apologize for the way she treated you before the break-up. But when I found you, you were already dating Koizumi. I didn't want to tell her about it, but she somehow found out. I expected her to cry after that, but there were no tears. She just kept on smiling. I knew it was killing her inside, but what could I do? That girl's too selfless for her own good. If you were happy, she was happy too."

Natsume felt so stupid. It was true that he loved Luna, but he wasn't _in love_ with her. She was just his best friend, someone he could count on to help him through his pain.

"About a month after that, she started feeling out of breath and dizzy. She was in pain all over again." As if remembering a painful memory, Hotaru clenched her fists to keep her anger in check. "Her back, leg and stomach were killing her. We didn't know why, so we brought her back to the hospital. Turns out her cancer had come back, this time spreading to her lungs and liver. For a cancer to come back so quickly, it wasn't a good sign."

At this point, strong-headed Hotaru and all the other girls just burst into tears. Ruka and the girl's respective boyfriends placed an arm around their girl. He looked at Natsume.

"There was nothing the doctors could do except alleviate the pain," Ruka explained. "The cancer had spread too far into her system that any operation could kill her, or even worst, create permanent damage. In the end, it came to a point where we couldn't leave her alone any longer. She didn't have much strength to make herself food every day and the pain just kept getting worst."

"This was around the same time Sumire met Koizumi," Koko added. "They exchanged numbers and we all came up with this plan. It took a while to convince Mikan to sing and dedicate the song to you. But in the end, she did it."

"Had we of known her body would have gone into shock after meeting you, we would have taken it a little slower," Kitsuneme explained. "The last thing we need is for her condition to worsen."

Natsume remained quiet as he took everything in. How could he have been blinded to all of this? He was top of their class, for God's sake!

"Hotaru," a man called out.

Wiping away her tears, she looked up and spotted her brother.

"I have to talk to you." He briefly took a look at his files and then directed his gaze at the group. "Mikan's doing fine. She's resting now, but if you want to speak to her you can."

"Go, Hyuuga," Hotaru ordered. "You need this more than we do."

-0-

**Mikan's POV**

She couldn't believe it. How could she have been so careless as to faint right in front of him? What was the point of breaking up with him then? Of hiding everything from him? Damn it! Maybe she really was stupid.

"Mikan?"

Turning to the owner of the voice, Mikan tried her best to smile. She knew it was strained and that he'd make a comment, but what else could she do? Knowing him and her friends, he probably went ballistic and they ended up telling him the truth just to calm him down.

"Yes, Nat?"

He made his way to her bedside and pulled up a chair. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better, thanks. I guess it's this new regime I've recently started. Got me eating just a thousand calories a day. It's crazy bu—"

Natsume interrupted her when he grabbed her hand –the one that wasn't stuck to the IV– and looked at her with tender, love and care. "You don't have to lie to me, Mikan. I know…everything."

Her smile immediately vanished upon hearing his words and she turned her head away from him. "I-I don't know what you're talking about." She knew feigning ignorance would be a waste of time, but she had to try something. Maybe she was lucky and the gang hadn't said a thing. Maybe he was lying and was simply trying to get answers from her. Either way, telling him the truth was out of the question.

He sighed. "They told me you had cancer."

Unless he already knew the truth… Well, at least it saved her the effort of breaking the news to him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Still looking away, she answered, "What was there to tell? You were busy, I was busy. It just slipped my mind, Nat. That's all."

"Damn it, Mikan! Why do you have to always go and play the hero?"

Play the hero? Is that what he thought? That definitely got her pissed off.

Angry, she faced him and pulled her hand away. "Do you think I asked for this? That I wanted to have cancer a second time just so I could die?" She was so upset with him that she began to cry. "It just happened, Natsume! I—"

Again, in the middle of her rant, he stopped her. But instead of grabbing her hand, he placed it over her cheek. "Finally. I thought you'd never look at me."

Realizing what he had planned, she sighed, effectively releasing her rage, and unconsciously leaned in to it. Despite being riled up, Natsume was really the only person who could calm her down.

"It's okay," he reassured her after a moment of silence. "Everything will be okay."

She shook her head. "No, it won't. I-I'm dying, Nat," she choked. "I-I won't blame you if you w-want to l-leave me. You can m-move on too, i-if you want. W-whatever makes you happy."

"I'm not leaving you nor am I moving on. I'll always be by your side."

She cried even harder when she heard him. "N-Nat, I-I'm scared… I d-don't want to d-die… Not a-after I found y-you a-again."

Wrapping his arms around her, he rubbed her back with gentle strokes. "Shh… It'll be okay. Even if they can't operate on you, there are other ways to prolong your life. Just don't give up, okay?"

"I…" She paused momentarily before answering him. Maybe Natsume was right. Even if she was dying, she still had a life ahead of her, however short that may be. "I won't," she replied despite having next to no confidence. For now, she'd have to rely on him and his hope.

He placed a chaste kiss upon her forehead "Now rest. You'll need all your strength to recover."

She nodded. "And a-about the break-up, Nat, I-I'm sorry."

He smiled. "What is there to be sorry about? What happened in the past stays in the past."

"Thank you, Nat."

Soon, Mikan had succumbed to her tiredness and she closed her eyes with a smile. This time, instead of being lonely, she knew she'd be waking up with her lover by her side.


End file.
